Hiatus.

A pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process.

That’s what I thought I needed.

To get my “creative juices,” flowing or so I would tell myself.

Truth is, I got comfortable with not having to express myself.

I needed a pause, in explaining who I was or what I meant.

I wanted to pause my process.

Although, so much inspiration and experience called for the continuation of my expressionism.

I took the pause,

I allowed the gap.

Thinking I needed the time, I only moved further into my void of silence.

I want to have these conversations that were never had.

The high from expressing one’s self is far too addictive for me to be completely done.

-Ess.

Evoke.

1. Bring or recall to the conscious mind.

Dear Self,

I love you.

I need you.

You are me and i am you.

The mind and the heart are the same.

This is true, because they are both you.

Listen to your voice, because it’s your voice.

You can have as many options.

Always let it be your choice.

Don’t do it to please anyone but you.

Dear Self,

You can be selfish!

You always should, because your mind, body and soul need you to be.

They say

           ” I am you and you are me.  We are one. We only get one. That one is me.”

-Ess.

 

 

 

 

Prelude

As it may start to be, you will start to see,

That everything you’ve ever known, comes to be nothing at all.

What you were taught, and what you were told,

is merely a façade

A façade that glitters but isn’t gold.

You will ultimately fall, but you wont stop there.

See you are strong, you are me.

You are exactly who you will be.

Just not on anyone else’s time, but off your own dime.

It will cost you every cent.

From your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual account.

I promise, it will be the best money you’ll ever spend.

Prepare yourself, it starts now.

This too, you shall see.

-Ess

Questions.

1.A problem for discussion or under discussion; a matter for investigation.

2. A matter of some uncertainty or difficulty; problem.

Go with your gut instinct, always!! I like to think that most go against that piece of advice, including myself at times.  The question is why?

Why do we ignore the signs that are right in our face about the guys we entertain, or the financial decisions we make or the ultimate treating one’s self like an option and everything and everyone around us as priorities?  Why when in all actuality we know how the game ends, we still decide to play?

Many tell me, it’s because they know what type of person they are and how they believe what you put out you get back. That is a valid reason but its very cruel to one’s self. It is an awesome quality to treat everyone with respect and everything and hope that it is reciprocated, but lets be realistic it doesn’t always happen.

Why do we torture ourselves by ignoring ourselves? Why do we ignore what we know and decide to go against what is for us? Why do we not take that risk that could be a game changer? Why do we entertain meaningless relationships, and childish men? Why are we so concerned with what everyone else thinks about us instead of just focusing and embracing who we are and loving ourselves unconditionally?

How do we break that cycle? When do we decide that enough is enough? What irrational decision took us down this rabbit hole of self doubt and self hate? Who did you give an abundance of energy to and instead of adding to it, to give back to you; they drained you? Who are you? Who have you become? & do you enjoy this way of life?

There is so much to live for, you want more, you know there’s more. Why punish yourself? It is a world of endless possibilities, the sky isn’t the limit, its the direction. The question is will you go towards it or against it?

Your decision.

-Ess.

Recollect.

• To bring back to the level of conscious awareness
• To remind (oneself) of something temporarily forgotten

You often sometimes lose yourself, trying to continue on your path. The balance of you seeing so much ahead, still trying to enjoy the present and trying with all your might to leave the past behind. That you lose sight of what makes you glow. With determination and focus you start to elevate yourself, start to slowly accomplish your goals,  and see how every decision has brought you to this very moment.

However, you become stagnate, you allow distraction and the negativity to re-enter your life. You start to treat yourself like an option when the life changing decision of you being TOP PRIORITY, has been the best plan of execution to ever make. You started to invest yourself, decided to do what makes YOU happy, live the way YOU want to live, eat what YOU want to eat, and choose to give YOUR time to what you decide. Somewhere along the lines of being empowered and dedicated you become stuck.

Your time, your actions, your decisions are put aside, you don’t do what is necessary for you because now you’re regarding yourself as the very same way people do. You’re attention, your actions, your thoughts are not for self anymore,  you have allowed the very things you left behind, or chose to ignore to rent space in your mental, your spiritual, your physical.

Of course these are set backs, and of course they are needed, because when you work so hard to discover who YOU are. There will be times when you just need to re-evaluate your decisions, you need to recollect on what prompted you to do what you wanted to do for you. The happiness, the bliss, the self-love, it is all worth it, its always worth it.

To be completely aware of one’s self is to love one’s self. It’s to believe in who you are and that you deserve nothing but happiness, sometimes we just need a reminder and (yes this is one of my father’s many odes to life)  “The reminder benefits the believer.”

So don’t be hard on yourself when you become lost. Appreciate that time to reflect, evaluate, learn and grow. Remember, it all starts with you and for you.

-Ess.

 

Awake.

To cease sleeping.

To become aroused or active again.

To become conscious or aware of something 

Awoke to the possibilities

Should be sleep. But it’s 4:48 in the am & my mind doesn’t want to be silent just yet . It’s screaming ! It’s thinking of endless possibilities and evaluating risks to be successful. To be accomplished requires sacrifice . To sacrifice requires discipline. To conceive the notion of who you have the possibility of becoming . Is truly a natural high. It’s the sense of awareness. Like; You know you got what it takes. You know certain steps that has to be taken. You see it, it’s there . That image of your best self accomplishing everything you set out to achieve.

Damn what a feeling. 

These late nights will either make or break my marathon. This is a good platform for what this year brings. I will be entering new rooms of opportunity . These early mornings are preparing me for what I work and plan for. My vision is so clear , it’s so vivid. I can see it, I feel it. Just have to obtain it . 

Remember nothing comes to a sleeper, but a dream. But a plan with no action is just a dream. 

-ESS.